Tune In Tokyo...Or In My Case, Toledo?

 

 

Let's admit it, nipples are weird. In fact I just read that when erect, they stand as tall as a stack of five quarters. Why I remember that stat, who knows? but it is indelibly burned into my brain. I somehow don't think I'll ever be able to put money into a parking meter again without that very vivid picture in my mind's eye.

 

Until losing them, I had never really given them that much thought. In my nipple story, there were those few moments in time when attention was brought, acknowledged and carefully stored away. Like the first little nibble from a timid boyfriend or the painful mastitis I got from nursing my daughter in those first few months. I remember talk of titty twisters and getting to second base but other than that, nothing.

 

So when I was told that my cancer was behind my right nipple, it was a conversation I will never forget.

 

First, let me tell you that accounts as I record them may not be true. The amount of shock I was in at that moment cannot be described. But the conversation went a little something like this: Did I hear her right? They are going to remove my right nipple? I can keep my left nipple if I choose? But why would I do that? Why would I leave any tissue that may someday allow the cancer to return? Say that again? They can rebuild my nipples? With skin from my bikini area? I might get pubic hairs growing there?

 

Whoa....Stop!!!

 

Now I'm not gonna lie. I have had a few stray hairs on my nipples. They have all been met with the same amount of retched disgust and have been immediately obliterated by any means possible. But to actually choose to have pubic hair growing on my breasts? No thank you!

 

I generally try to handle one major event at a time so right now, I am focused on the replacement surgery that is a few weeks away. Will I choose to rebuild my nipples? I really don't know. I guess we'll have to wait and see but no matter how my nipple story ends, know this...If I had it to do over again, I would've paid more attention. I would have had them caressed more often or breast fed my babies just a little bit longer, maybe even worn more shirts without a bra so that they teasingly peeked through. Nipples may be weird but they are so much a part of our femininity, our story, that they deserve just a little more.